Monday, March 29, 2010

Start of the Swimsuit Challenge......

Well, yesterday was the start of the swimsuit challenge......my starting weight was disappointing. I'm up 2 pounds from my last fill. Which could mean a lot of things. TOM is strolling into town this week, but it could also be spending the weekend at my moms. I don't usually make the best food choices while I'm there, she's such a good cook that it makes it easy to make bad choices. I know I need a fill.

Last night I was literally laying in bed thinking about how hungry I was. THAT SUCKED! That hasn't happened since before surgery. I was going to go to my local clinic here and get one last week (for the low low of 150 bux) but opted against it cuz I just got laid off from my job and that money could definently be put to better use somewhere else. I go in for my next fill the 28th of April. I'll just have to hope I don't gain too much before then. This will certainly be a test in my willpower and how well I can work with my band.

Last year when I was banded I made a goal for myself to be able to wear a swimsuit at my next family reunion which is the last Sunday of June every year. I haven't worn a swimsuit in about 12 years. Literally. Last year I had just been banded so I knew it wasn't going to happen then.

It's times like this I realize that I need to focus on the changes I've made:
~47 pounds is nothing to sneeze at
~what I've lost in the last 9 months I've kept off (this is HUGE)
~if I'm not careful my rings will come off when I wash my hands
~I have more energy
~people that I haven't seen in a while are starting to notice that I've lost weight
~I'm a better, happier, more content person than I was before banding
~I no longer look at pictures in magazines/online and wish I could be as fit/thin/pretty as that person; I KNOW I CAN BE THAT PERSON IF I MAKE MY BAND WORK FOR ME!

When I get down, what I usually do is whip out the before pictures. I know that a lot of us have said that really works for them when they hit a plateau/have a small gain/lose motivation. Insanity, really. You can see on my face and in my eyes that I'd given up. I have my life back now. It's amazing the things that I can do and I've realized what I'm truly capable of.

Even though I need a fill I kow that I'm still eating WAY less than I was pre band. Which isn't justifying making bad food choices. Lest I confuse any newbies, I know making bad choices will show up on the scale in a few days. I'm aware of that. However, I refuse to make this a lifelong diet. My unhealthy relationship with food is what got me to the position I was in pre band in the first place.

Food and I have an understanding now. I eat what I want when I want it. Owning the good and bad choices just the same. I don't count calories and I just started using a food/exercise log. I take my spells with that. I'll do it for a while and see if I'm having issues cuz I need a fill, or cuz of what I'm eating. We'll see. Time will tell I guess since I go see the doc in a month.

Well, that's all for now. Happy posting everyone.


5 comments:

Drazil said...

You're gonna look great in a suit and your list of accomplishments is downright amazing. Stop being so hard on yourself - you've come a long way and we all love you!

LDswims said...

I'm sorry to hear you were hungry in bed last night. I hate that feeling!!! :)

I love your list of changes made! Good for you for being able to focus on the positive instead of letting the negative rule. It's all about the positives, isn't it?

Stephanie said...

I would sell my soul to lose 50 lbs (well...not really!) so that is an awesome accoplishment on your part!!

amandakiska said...

You are my hero! You are doing all the right things. Keep it up!

Band Groupie said...

Way to keep it POSITIVE GF!!! GREAT list...It's SO hard to do that when the WL stalls or we gain.

Just think how far you've come since Bandster Hell and how many tools, like your list you've now got to help you along the way. The best part, as you said, is that we're never going back to where we were. This journey certainly changes our weight, but what you're doing with the head stuff and all the other changes along the way assure us that our relationship with food and our bodies will never be the same.

Excellent post!

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