Still Camera Shy......

OK, sooooooooooo.....................my mom was telling me the other day that I needed to blog.  Gotta love mom, keeping me in line all sorts of ways.  Even from Rick's in Ohio. 

Since I last wrote I've been working on recovering from surgery still.  A little pissed off that is such a slow process.  But, as hubby tells me, I didn't get hurt overnight, not gonna get well overnight.  Ho hum. 

I've been going three times a week for a little over a month now to physical therapy, I have a couple more weeks of that left, then I go down to twice a week.  That'll be a relief.  For me and the checkbook, 45.00/visit co pay is a little harsh.  Thankfully they know that I can't pay it all at once and are working with me on the payments. 

Therapy days are still pretty rough.  But I'm walking about six blocks 5 days a week so that's helping too.  My band is still kinda loose right now.  I got a little fill a couple weeks ago and was supposed to go back today, but didn't want to go without my mom, since this is our thing, so I rescheduled it.  What's another couple of weeks.  Even with my band loose right now I'm still losing cuz I'm betting a fair amount of exercise.  With physical therapy and all the walking.  Which is so much easier now since surgery. 

This week was one of our nephews birthday's.  He turned 2.  My mother in law was going around to all the guests with a video camera and having us say a little birthday message to him.  I think this is kinda silly since he's only two and more than likely won't remember this birthday, much less the messages we all said, but hay, kept her busy and she wasn't ridiculing me, so hay.  I'll take it.  When it got around to me, I actually asked not to do it.  Not because I thought it was a silly idea, but because I didn't want to be on camera.  I didn't want to have to sit down and watch this with my nephew and think "look at that fat cow".  Interesting. 

Why is it that after 70 pounds I still look at myself and think "well shit, I'm still fat"?  I don't want my picture taken, I don't want to be on camera, and if I do, I try really damn hard to make sure something is in front of me (you know, the floating head shot) so all you can see is my face.  Again, interesting.  My face is where I notice it the most.  My drivers lisence doesn't even look like me anymore.  People will literally look at it, then look at me, back to the lisence, back to me, you know, like the old spice commercial.  (I'm on a horse)  :)  Sorry, couldn't help it. 

Back to the point......what the hell?  Why do I/we still see ourselves as fat?  When we've accomplished so much.  Losing 50+ pounds is an accomplishment!  For anyone!  And to keep it off, that's even better!  My list blog that I wrote a while back comes to mind.  Where I would do good to remember the things I've accomplished (band and otherwise) in my life when I think I've done nothing.  I've been through a lot in my young life.  At least that's what mom says. 

Who else has ran into this issue?  Just out of my own curiosity.  How many of us have lost significant amounts and are still camera shy?

Hello My Lovelies.....

Hi everyone.  I know that when I made my last post I promised I was back for good.  And, I didn't lie, technically, but it's been kinda weird around my parts in the last couple weeks. 

The healing process with my back is going really well.  I'm still in pain, but nothing like it was before.  The debilitating spasms going down my butt and legs are totally gone.  Which is great.  That was one of the biggest complaints that I had for the doc.  As well as being in constant pain all the time. 

The pain I'm in now is more of a healing pain.  I'm very sore still.  Which kinda angers me a little.  I was hoping I'd bounce back quicker than this.  I start physical theraphy on Monday.  The doc ordered water therapy as well as traditional therapy, but right now the physical therapist thinks we should stick with strictly water therapy.  Which brings me to my swimsuit fear from the last post.  Especially since they took fluid out of my band and I've been gaining.  The swimsuit looks pretty decent though.  For the first one I've owned in 10 years, it'll do.  :)

In the assessment he gave me he said that since my back was messed up for so long and I've compensated for so many things everything in my body is kinda tilted to the right.  Ankles, pelvis, hips, shoulders, neck, the whole nine yards.  So that is going to be first on the agenda; lining me back up, which he said would make me much more comfortable just in everyday life.  He kinda tried to pop a few things back in place on Wednesday when I did my assessment, but I couldn't handle it.  On the plus side, my GIANT bruises from my IV's and having blood drawn a million times are finally starting to go away.  They're kind of yellowish instead of purple.  I bruise really easy and so drawing blood or getting an IV is pretty brutal.  I even bruise when I get fills and that needle doesn't bother me at all. 

I'm slowly trying to get life back to normal.  My hubby was on vacation for a week and half to take care of me at home.  While I was very grateful and really did need his help, I'm so glad he went back to work.  lol  He was driving me insane!  Since I wasn't really able to go anywhere we were together all the time.  Not good.  Hubby and I love eachother very much, but we're also people that need our own space.  Which, most of the time, we both respect, if we can.  But when I'm not cleared to drive yet and really have no money to go anywhere on my own, it's a little hard.  I kid you not, it was getting to the point that the very sound of his voice made me want to slap the shit out of him.  lol  Not good. 

However, he went back to work on Monday and both of our routines are slowly getting back to normal.  Sort of.  I'm not able to do as much of the housework right now as I was doing before because I'm still on a lot of restrictions, but I can do a few things.  And, we get to spend some much needed time apart. 

In getting back to my daily routine I've noticed that it's getting easier to get up and around.  Moving around is easier.  Still not 100% which, I gotta be honest, I'm kinda pissed about.  Not a lot I can do about it, but it is what it is.  Doc said I might not be all the way to 100% for three to six months.  Joy of joys.  *insert extreme sarcasm here*  However, at my post op appointment when he took my staples out and took x-rays he said that the hardware looked perfect.  So that's good, and a load off my mind.  That means I'm doing things right I guess.

On the band front, I'm doing better since my little stint in the hospital.  They took WAY TOO MUCH out of my band though.  I know they did it for my safety, which is cool, but damn!  Did they forget I'm a fattie?  :)  I just can't wait till next week when I can have them put it back in.  I was at my sweet spot.  I was just stupid and wasn't taking my antiacids like I should have been and screwed everything up.  As I said in my last post, that has since changed.  I miss my sweet spot and restriction.  However, I will have it back next week.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder indeed.  :)

Well, I guess that's all I have for today my friends.  Was just checking in with you.  I'm still way behind on blogs, hopefully I'll get semi-caught up today.  At least that's the plan.  Happy posting everyone.

A Slew of Updates

HAY EVERYBODY! 

This is actually my first post since before I had surgery.  I know that a couple of days after surgery hubby posted that I was doing ok.  Since then I've had a couple issues.

I was in the hospital a few extra days than is usual with this type of surgery.  I was on a pain drip of course in my IV, well the meds they were giving me was shutting my body down.  My kidney's stopped acting as much and my blood pressure went down to 80/30.  They had to give me something in the IV to raise it back up.  There are about two whole days that I don't remember.  Chris left on Friday afternoon because he had to work on Saturday and he also needed to pick up the dog.  I remember that, but that's all I remember till Monday. 

After I got off the pain drip things got a lot better.  On Monday I got up and started walking and doing the initial bit of therapy they wanted me to do in the hospital.  Getting back to walking, at that time I was using the assistance of a walker.  Then I went to a cane.  Now, a couple weeks after surgery I'm not using either.  Which is a good thing.  The doc actually took all walking aides away from me yesterday when he did my post op.  I went into the hospital for surgery on the 8th and left on the 13th, so I was in the hospital for 5 days. Like I said, little longer than normal, but we had the issues with the pain drip.

They didn't let me eat or drink anything for four freakin' days!  lol  Which I know would have been much more of an issue before being banded.  After, not so much.  I actually wasn't that hungry so it wasn't that big of a deal to me.  I was really thirsty, but not hungry at all.  They wanted me to pass gas before I could eat.  Which is pretty standard for most surgeries.  I told the doc that since I've had my band done my body doesn't work that way.  There's nothing coming out if nothing's going in.  As we all know.  Still didn't matter to them.  They were just following the rules though, can't be mad at them for that.

I did get to eat one meal before I left.  Which wasn't too bad.  Hubby said the food was really good.  The menu was actually pretty upscale.  The one mean I had was shrimp skewers with rice pilaf.  I was rather impressed.  However, it was a little spicy.

After I was released from the hospital I went to my mom and dad's for a few days till they left for vacation.  I was enjoying life at mom and dad's.  No one takes better care of you when you're sick than your parents.  lol  No matter how old you are.  At almost 30 years old, I know there's no one like mom.  :D  And mom has cable.  Which I don't.  So I got to indulge in a little cable tv while I was there.  It's the simple things in life I guess.

After I came home is when the band issues started.  I was home for a couple of days when I started getting really bad acid reflux.  I was waking up in the middle of the night as well as still getting sick during the day.  After about 5 days of that I called the bariatic center where I got the band placed and they said they needed to see me immediately.  Which is a three hour drive from my house.  I actually called the bariatric center here first, and since they're full of morons, they wouldn't treat me.  I told them about the issues that I was having.  They asked me if I had my band placed there, I told them no, they seriously told me that I was out of luck and had to go where I had it placed.  When I informed them that it was 3 hours from my house they basically told me that was my problem.  Assholes.

So I called up mom and asked her if she wanted to take a small roadtrip with me.  This was the day she got home from vacation.  I felt kinda bad for her.  She had been up since 4 that morning and had got off the plane to find me sick and had to take another mini roadtrip. 

I went to the ER in the hospital where I had the band placed.  They took about 2cc's of fluid out.  They kept me in the hospital over night.  After they took the 2cc's out I was able to eat some mashed potatoes and a little bit of soup.  In the morning they gave me a barium swallow to make sure the band didn't slip.  Which it hasn't.  I tell you what, my doc must have welded that thing in there.  lol  I was positive it was gonna be bad news.  But the band is fine.  It actually could have been anything.  However, more likely cuz I wasn't taking my acid reflux medication like I should have.  I have since started taking it again.  I night in the hospital, Lord knows what it's going to cost us for heartburn.  Nice.  I did eat lunch at the hospital and it stayed down fine.  As has everything since so they said it was all good.  I have another fill scheduled for August 5th, they're going to evaluate my situation then and fill me back up accordingly.

Yesterday, the surgeon for my back took the staples out.  It was an anterior and posterior spinal fusion, which means they went in through the front and the back.  When he took all the staples out and took xrays, he said that all the hardware looks great and to just keep doing what I'm doing.  The hardware looks totally freaky.  It's weird.  I look like the bionic woman.  If I had a pic of the xray, I'd post it, but I don't. 

Right now I have a lot of restrictions.  I can't lift anything, bend, stoop, push or pull anything.  I also can't carry anything.  Right now I'm doing a lot of catching up on blogs and reading.  I've been doing a lot of walking.  Usually I'll take a couple extra laps around the grocery store when we go.  Which totally counts and it's air conditioned.  :D  July in Missouri is miserable to be walking outside.  No way.  I get to start physical therapy next week.  Which is water and land therapy.  Super cool.  That means I have to buy/acquire a swimsuit.  May the force be with me.

Well, that's about all I've got.  Just a heads up to let you all know that surgery went well and I'm doing better.  I MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH!  Now I need to get more caught up on all your blogs. 

Happy posting everyone.  Talk to you all soon.

Surgery Update by the Husband.

Morning all you bloggers.  Erika wanted me to get on here and let everybody know shes doing fine after the surgery.  Her surgery was yesterday morning and took about 6 hours including the recovery time.  Shes going stir crazy right now wanting to move around and eat.  But she can't until the physical therapist comes in and no food until she passes some air between her non trumpet playing cheeks.

But I wanted to let y'all know she doing good.

Chris

The Countdown Begins

So, surgery is 3 days away.  It's kind of just starting to sink in.  I'm undecided if I'm nervous, afraid....I don't really know what I am right now actually. 

I do know that I'm ready to not be in pain anymore and I'm taking the step in that direction.  I know that it's going to get worse before it gets better.  I know that the first few weeks after surgery are gonna be pretty rough.  Which is the case with any surgery, regardless of what type it is.  Surgery is surgery. 

I'm kinda worried about my band.  On surgery day I'm going to talk with my doctor about it and make sure he doesn't damage it in any way.  He has an x ray of it so he he knows where it is, but I still want the peace of mind.  Due to the fact they are going in through the front and the back.  I don't know why that is either, I will also ask him that.  He told me once, but I don't remember it.  :)  That seems to be my main worry going in to this is that I don't want my band damaged.  I trust my doc, but that worry is still there. 

I have everything ready to go, except getting my bag packed.  Still need to do the laundry and wash up the stuff I'm going to wear while in the hospital and at my mom and dad's for a week.  Which will be mostly yoga pants type stuff. 

Here is the contact information for the hospital for those of you that are interested:
Menorah Medical Center
5721 West 119th Street
Overland Park, Kansas 66209
913.345.3600

Of course, I don't know what room I'll be in yet, but there is the information should any of you want it.  I'm sure if you want to call, you can just ask for my room number at the main number.  My mom and my hubby will be staying in the hospital with me.  I should be in there for about 3-4 days.  I don't know if hubby will be staying the whole time, but I know my mom will.  It costs 25 bux a day to board the dog, so hubby might come home early to save us some money.  He told me that if I wanted him to stay he would.  I don't know yet.  I do know that I have to make that decision in the next couple of days.  He has the time off work for vacation time, so we won't be losing any money that way at least. 

I'm finally back on track with my band.  When I got my last fill on June 10th I weighed in at 200 pounds.  This morning, a little less than a month later I weighed in at 186.  Which is amazing!  I didn't lose for a few months so it's nice to have such amazing progress in this short amount of time.  This morning's weigh in puts me at a total of 61 pounds down.  I'm happy with that.  Being banded just a little over a year, this is good.  I've lost it slowly enough and I'm young enough that hopefully I won't have much sagging skin.  Not really worried much about that right now. 

Our fourth of July was a total bust.  :(  It rained all night long.  We usually put on a pretty decent display and this year we didn't get to do anything.  I was totally looking forward to posting some great pics on here, but alas, not gonna happen this year.  A few grounders and some fountains and stuff, but none of the major stuff.  The upside is that we'll have it for next year and that's money we don't have to spend.  If they last that long.  lol 

I will be taking my laptop with me to the hospital so hopefully I'll be able to check in.  Like I said, I'll be there for about four days, so hopefully I feel well enough to be able to post and check in with you guys and see what's going on with you all.

I guess that's about all I have for right now.  Hope you all had a great and safe fourth!  Happy posting y'all.

What is a Failure

Well, if you ask my mom, she'll tell you that "A failure is only someone who fails to try."  Super awesome quote.  She's told me this all of my life.  So in honor of that, I got this......

The "love mom" is actually in my moms handwriting.  This is my lower leg from about my mid calf to my ankle.  It's a little bit bigger than I had anticipated it was going to be.  But in order for it to be readable it needed to be larger so the words didn't run together over time. 

In band related news, I'm now firmly in onederland, 192 this morning before I went to the doctors office.  While there he gave me a water pill and an appetite suppressant since I can't exercise right now it will pretty much ensure I can keep losing weight while I'm laid up after surgery for a couple months. 

That's really all I have.  Hope you all are having a great day.  Happy posting everyone.

Happy Bandiversary to Me (a Couple Days Late)

First of all, let me start by saying, holy supportive comments batman!  You ladies are like a good bra.  :)  And believe me, I know the value of a good bra.  :)  In all seriousness though ladies, thanx heaps for all of your support.  Things are getting a little better around my area and I'm starting to claw myself out of the hole a few feet at a time while trying to keep the dust out of my eyes.

Wednesday, the 16th, was my one year bandiversary and here is a list of some of the things I've learned in the last year, band related and non band related:

• This is not the "easy way out", "chicken exit", "lazy mans diet", "eat less, move more", "it's all about portion control", "you choose to be fat, all you have to do is put the food down and exercise" and all the other bullshit I've heard from nay sayers that know nothing about this in the last year.  To those people I say, kick rocks!
• Being banded has changed who I am and how I live my life.
• This blogging community and the people I've met here are very much like a surrogate family, and even though many of us have never met we know we have friends for life.
• My mom (my original bandster sister) rocks!  OK, that's not something I've learned in the last year, I've always known it, but just thought I'd throw it out there.
• I really miss sugar free Red Bull.  My doc is a no carbonation at all, ever doc. 
• I actually can clean my house and my car and keep them that way.  Who knew?
• I am stronger than I have been giving myself credit for and would do well to remember that in times I feel I'm not worth it.  However, still not as rock solid as my mom.  She's a hoss folks.  The things she's done and accomplished in her life.  If I'm half as strong as her when I die, I will have accomplished everything I've ever wanted.
• I can slow down.  Take a couple of days to just chill out and take a breather and the world as I know it will not come to an end.
• I'm on the fence about kids.  Sometimes I want them and sometimes I don't.  However, I do know that there is something to be said for being the cool aunt that buys whoopie cushions, bicycle horns, drum sets, and other obnoxious toys that bug the shit out of the parents of said child, and wires the kids up on sugar and sends them home.
• The day you have any type of bariatric surgery really is the first day of the rest of your life.  There are so many things you can do within losing just a small amount of weight that you truly become a different person. 
• I have knees, and ankles.  Didn't know that when I was fat(er).  It was just all kinda one unit.  Cankles.  Sexy.  Ummmmm.....not so much.
• I want to help people.  I want to do whatever I can to get the word out about bariatric surgery to anyone I can.  I want to become an advocate for this cause and make sure that anyone thinking about it knows it's not going to be easy, but the rewards and benefits far outweigh anything else.
• I'm very sad that my grandpas and my great grandma couldn't see how I've made this difference in my life and want to make a difference in the lives of others.  For they passed away years ago when I was still too young to really make an impact on society.
• Being too tight sucks.
• Being too loose sucks.
• Unfills suck.  They suck more when you get too much taken out and can eat like the band isn't even there.
• Retaining water makes a GIANT difference on the scale.
• Accountability is a crucial part of this process.
• Going to the races and walking around is a lot easier when there's 50 pounds less of me to carry.  Does that mean I can buy more stuff?  Jury's still out on that one.  :)
• I actually look pretty damn good with purple hair.  Again, who knew?
• My friends didn't see me as a fat person.  They just saw me as me and didn't really notice all the extra weight.  When I tell people what I weighed before they are shocked and many times don't believe me.  Which says a lot about the few people I allowed into my life and allowed to see the real me.  They thought I kicked ass anyway.  Wow, thanx guys, really, thanx.
• It's pretty hard to enjoy life when you're so unhealthy you're doing good to roll out of bed.
• I'm not so afraid of needles anymore.
• When you eat smaller amounts of food, you want those foods to be good.  Like, really good.  I'm talking steak and lobster good.
• People notice you a lot more when you're not busting your ass to just blend in and disappear.
• Being an adult sucks.
• Support is a huge part of this journey.  If you're reading this and you're thinking of getting the surgery and have no support at home, reach out for it.  Come here.  We will support you! 
• I have no regrets of doing this.  Even with a couple of unfills and missing my Red Bull, I would still do this all again, on a dime.  No doubts.  Absolutely do it again.
• I think I've finally figured out the reason why I did this.  Originally it was so I could get healthy enough to have a baby.  See above regarding that.  I know lots of you have kids and have said you did this so you could play with your kids and not be out of breath.  Great reason.  I realized that I'm kinda selfish though.  I did this for me.  So my back wouldn't hurt, so my knees wouldn't hurt.  So I could keep up with my nephews and my niece.  To be noticed.  To get a better quality of life.  And to make a difference.
• I think this is my calling.  To make a difference in the world of bariatric patients.  Maybe that's why I've taken forever to finish school and for some unknown (at the time) reason I gravitated towards the medical field.  Maybe that's why many bariatric patients do.  I'm going to be a huge part of turning this around for people.  Making sure insurance companies know that it's not our choice to be fat.  I don't know yet how I'm going to do this, but I know that I will.  I will find a way. 
• I never really knew who I was till I got banded.  I thought I knew, turns out I was just full of shit.  All those years of thinking that I knew who I was.  Only to get banded and realize I knew nothing about myself.  Hmmm.
• People are shallow.  Even though I love being noticed, it's odd that people never noticed me when I was fat(er).  But now, I get doors opened for me, people smile at me on the street.  Weird, just weird. 
• Hubby has recently started noticing me in a different light and seeing me differently.  Even though he was against this when it started, he's coming around and is happy about the differences this has made in my life and how much better I feel.

Well, I guess that's all I have for now.  Happy posting y'all and don't forget to wish your fathers a Happy Fathers Day.

I'm Still Alive.......and Some Other Shit

Hay everybody!  I know it's been damn near ages since I posted.  I got an email from BG today and she seemed to elude to the fact she thought I was dead.  Not dead, just kinda in a dark place right now.

First of all BG, I'd like to say thanx for the much needed kick in the ass.  I've been kinda cooking up this post for a while now, but couldn't bring myself to write it.  I don't know exactly why.  Certainly not because I didn't think I'd get the support I needed here.  That has nothing to do with it actually, but.......oh hell, I don't know. 

I officially have a date for my back surgery.  July 8th at 6:00 am.  (yes mom, that says 6:00 am)  We are officially filing for bankruptcy.  Hopefully we'll be getting all of that underway during the first week of next month.  Or it will have to wait till after surgery.

The last time that I got a fill, I had one rough day of things getting stuck and ran out of patience, therefore, I went to the ER for an unfill.  Big mistake.  I ended up getting way too much taken out and if I would have been patient I could have just dealt with it.  I'm a big advocate that if something is preventable, there's no reason to have to deal with it.  Maybe it's because I expect instant gratification.  Who knows.  Not me that's for damn sure. 

I'm noticing in a lot of blogs that there are relationship issues going on.  I'm in that boat too.  Hubby never wanted me to have this surgery anyway and was originally not even going to accompany me to the hospital when I was to have it.  In that regard he came around and ended up going.  However, sometimes I think he wishes I didn't have it.  He tries to get me to try things that I know I can't eat.  And when my band was loose I was able to eat anything I wanted.  Not good.  And he seems to think that he knows my band better than I do.  Which he doesn't.  Sometimes I wonder if it would be different if we had met after I had the surgery, or I had met someone else within the last year after surgery.  Please make no mistake, I'm not second guessing our relationship or thinking I'd settled, wished I'd married someone else, etc.  I just wish the hubby had a better bedside manner sometimes.  Which he hasn't one.  I'm very confused right now.  I knew this would change my relationship with him, but I don't know if I expected it to change EVERYTHING!  Literally everything.  I don't mean to come off as nieve here, but wow.  Just wow. 

Before I left for my fill the other day I told my hubby that I hope I hadn't gained, but would accept it if I had.  He said that the band is all a matter of portion control.  No shit?  Why didn't someone tell me this before?  Would have saved me almost $12,000.00.  Portion control, get the hell out of here.  Pfft.  If I knew what portion control was to start with, I wouldn't have needed the band in the first place.  Holy shit.  Why do people do that?  Spout off about shit they have no clue about?  Good grief. 

I'm really worried about this surgery coming up.  I asked the doc how long it would take and he said worst case scenario 8 hours, best case scenario 4 hours.  He said most of the time they last about 6 hours.  Which I'll be in the hospital for at least three dayse afterward he said.  Then it's home to rest.  Post op on July 21st to get my staples taken out, I'm sure at that time is when the rehabbing will start.  Right now there's not much else to tell about that.  Other than he's going to fix it.  Which is all I know right now.

Well, enough with the Debbie Downer, on to "some other shit".  (sorry mom)  :)

Daddy and I went to the races (shocked?  didn't think so) and they got rained out.  TOTAL BUMMER!  Here are a couple of shots of what the track looked like and what my shoes looked like after traipsing around in the pits and mud for a few minutes. 

Mud soup anyone?  :)

The following shots are from this years Relay for Life Cancer Walk.  As I told you all before, hubby and I are huge supporters of this walk and enjoy raising the money for cancer research.  He lost his Aunt and I've lost my Grandpa and an Uncle to cancer.  So it's something that's close to our hearts. 

We made a PANTLOAD of money this year.  Our team alone raised over $1,000.00, which is super cool.  Our booth was a shooting gallery, plus some stuff to purchase and raffle.  Hubby and his brother ran the shooting gallery and I ran the donations for raffles and the other stuff we were selling.  It was a nice time and is a wonderful occasion to honor those in our community we've lost to cancer or are still fighting the good fight. 

Here's a shot of our booth before the chaos started.  :)

Sherriff Woody, our unofficial shooting gallery mascot.

Memorial ink hubby got for his Aunt he lost to breast cancer last year.

Ma'am.

The new sherriff's in town.  Who elected those guys?  There goes the neighborhood.

The shooting gallery we made.  I think every kid in the whole place came to our booth at least three times.  They had to shoot the animals down with rubber band guns.  Note the lion, tiger and bear combo in the front row.  :)  Oh my.

Hubby, my father in law and his girlfriend LaVonne taking the team lap.  Which is when we carry the banner with our team name on it so people know who we are.  Hubby and I had the banner made this year in honor of his Aunt, who was our Team Captain till we lost her last year.

On the random side, proof my dog thinks she's a person.  :)

Well, I guess that's all I have everyone.  Had to end it on a happy note.  Sorry I've been absent and that this was a downer post.  But we can't all shit gumdrops and fart rainbows.  (love ya Draz.  sorry, again mom)  If you hung in there and made it to the end of this one.  You're all amazing.  And thanx for missing me and noticing I was gone.  Promise to post again soon.

Update:  Here is a pic of my mom.  Size 10 y'all.  Isn't she cute?!  47 pounds down after being banded last year.  WAY TO GO MOM!

Budding Artists? I Think Not....

Mmmmmmmmmmmkaaaaaaayyyyyy........So, hubby and I went away for the weekend and went to my mom and dad's house for a little Memorial Day fun, and of course there was a race involved. 

After three days of getting my house kinda in order so it won't be a mess when I have surgery next month I needed some time to decompress.  Well, before we left the garbage disposal quit working.  Had to call my landlord and he told us how to fix it so that's no big deal.  Got that taken care of today. 

However, when we got home, this is what we found on our garage.

Isn't that great?!  That's what we get for going away for a long weekend.  Needless to say I've been in touch with the police and my landlord.  I called the cops about an incident report and they said they were coming out to take a look at it.  Who knows when that will be.  And left my landlord a messge as to what was going on.  Hubby went over and talked to them and I guess he was calm cool and collected.  I'll tell you right now he's a bigger man than me.  I would have went the hell off! 

My landlord is super cool about stuff and he knows we're buying the place, so I'm going to ask him if he would provide us the materials to put up a fence or if we bought them if he'd take them off the rent.  I'll keep you all posted on that.

I hate these neighbors!  I'm so pissed off that I'm shaking.  Stupid heathon kids and parents that don't give two shits about what they do!  GGGGRRRR!!!!

Well, I suppose that's all for now.  Getting caught up on everyone's blogs.  Happy posting everyone.

BYOC

1. If you had 3 wishes what would they be and why? (you can't wish for more wishes or money!)(Thanks Steph)



No wishing for more wishes?!  What kind of a racket is this!?  :)
1.  That me or my folks could win the lottery so they could retire and never want for anything again.  Then daddy and I would rent/buy a motor coach and go to every race on the NASCAR circuit for a year.  I would also buy my mom tickets to go see my brothers kids anytime she wanted them since I would be able to afford to send her.




2. If you had all the money in the world and perfect circumstances - how many children would you have and what sex?


Absolutely no eartly clue.




3. Have you ever faked it? (Because I need to laugh...feel free to skip this one if it's too personal.)


Haven't we all?




4. What movie character do you think you look like?


When my hair was red and I fixed it rather big I was told looked like Reba.  Unfortunately when I cut my hair in the style it is now I get Kate Gosslin a lot.  :(




5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you this week and why?

Been terribly busy this week with doctors appointments and getting ready for the Relay for Life (a local cancer walk for those not familiar) that today is my catch up day.

I Need Some Support

Hay ladies.  Hope you all had a great weekend.  I'm actually posting right now to let you all know that hubby and I need some support.  Every year at this time we walk in our local area Relay for Life.  For those of you not familiar, this is an all night walk that helps raise funds for cancer research and also helping to fund finding a cure. 

Not many people can say they've never been touched by cancer.  Almost everyone has had a friend or relative that has fought a battle with cancer.  For those of you that have not, thank your lucky stars.  For those of you that have, you have my sympathies. 

Hubby and I have both lost people we love to cancer.  My husband has lost his Aunt; I've lost a grandpa.  We do the Relay for them. 

His aunt was our team captain for many years.  Hubby and I have been together for almost seven years and we've participated in five (as of this year) Relay's together.  Below is a letter that my husband has written in order to help get the word out about our team for the Relay.

On Sunday March 29th, 2009 at around 3:00PM I received a call from my dad telling me that my Aunt Felice was on her way to the emergency room.



On that day I lost my first family member to cancer. But on that day I also made a promise to myself to help fight against it. Just like she did.


My aunt Felice was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer 5 years earlier. She made the decision to attack it head on. She had a double mastectomy performed. After that it was chemotherapy treatments and visits to the hospital for her checkups. It would become a routine that she turned into her own crusade. She was a woman short of stature but a giant in heart and willpower.


That first year she asked her brother, my dad, to join her in The American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life. He was in and ready to go until he had to have a minor surgery and needed someone to fill in for him. That’s when I took his place. When I got there I wasn’t sure what to expect. A lot of white t-shirts with purple writing on them for the event and there were purple shirts worn by some but not as many. That’s when I turned and saw my aunt in a purple shirt. They were the survivors. Those that were fighting cancer or those that were lucky enough to have beaten it into remission or became cancer free. In that group of people were moms, dads, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, and children. They have what’s called a Survivors Lap they do around the track. In the front of that group was a toddler.


That was when I signed up for the following year. And the year after that….


Roughly 2 ½ months after that day in March of 2009 we were at the Relay for Life without my aunt Felice. There were memories, pictures, and friends. But no Felice.


But we were there for her. During the Luminaria Ceremony her name was read in her memory. Her name was placed between 2 aptly named luminaria, Cure and Hope. That was the picture I took. It was the one that summed her up. Cure and Hope. At that relay I was able to sign up for a 20 year study to help in the research for a cure for cancer.


What I ask from all my Facebook friends is to go to the link on the left of my profile and donate to the Relay for Life. The link takes you directly to the American Cancer Society’s site for the Relay. You can make the donation in memory of someone you may have lost or someone you have fighting cancer right now. And if you want to reach out to others they can also go to my profile to donate.


If all of us can give $10 to this cause we will be helping in a small way to try to help end the sadness and pain cancer can leave.


On June 11th, 2010 I will be at the Relay for Life. And once again I will be cheering and clapping for those people in the purple shirts. And then I will be standing silently as the names are read for those the luminarias are lit in memory of. Remembering them and their fight.


Remembering my aunt Felice.

I'm coming to you guys because you're one of the best support communities that I've had the pleasure being a part of.  Our team needs your help.  On my facebook page I have a badge that you can click and it will help you donate money to the American Cancer Society.  Just click on "Support Me".


When you click on it to make a donation the link takes you directly to the website for the ACS.  Just letting you all know that this isn't going to me and hubby, it's acutally going straight to the ACS. 


If you're not one of my facebook friends, just do a search for "dirttrackdiva", I'm the only one.  After that, friend me and make sure you also send me a private message about why you're friending me so I know who you are. 


You can then, should you so choose, send a donation to the ACS in my name; which my real name is Erika Garcia.  :)  Don't know if you all knew that or not, but I guess it would be kinda confusing to send a donation in the name of dirttrackdiva.  No one would know who it was for.  Also, if you know someone that would like to donate and they have facebook, then can friend me as well, along with a private message on why they're friending me and they can also donate if they would like.  If you don't have facebook and would still like to help somehow, let me know and I'm sure we would be able to work something out.  You can send me a private email at:  wrinkledog2004@yahoo.com


You are in no way required or obligated to make a donation, so please don't think I'm saying you have to.  I just know that so many people are touched by cancer and there is so little we can do about when it happens or how it affects our lives while we're dealing with this terrible disease.  This is a way we can help. 


Happy posting everyone.

BYOC and a Life Update

1. If you could be a cartoon character – who would you be and why?

Cheetara from the Thundercats.  Because she's a badass.  'Nuff said.  :)

As a side note, after I hit goal I'm going to get a phoenix tattoo of her on my hip.  *sorry mom*  To symbolize rising from the ashes of my old life.  I'm big on metaphoric/memorial tattoos.  I have two already.  One on each foot.  For my grandpas.  However, that's a blog for another day.  Below is the pic of what I want.  Only in the center it will be Cheetara.

2. Who was your teenage heart throb? (Thanks Fiona for this one)
Joey Lawrence.  My heavens he was hot.  Mullet and all.  lol

3. Do you believe being overweight is about a mental obstacle or do you believe it’s simply about overeating/food?
I think it's both.  I've posted before that I firmly believe that food is an addiction.  And of course we all know that if you eat more calories than you're losing you're going to gain weight and vice versa.  But, mental is just as much a part of the game as food, maybe more.  Weight loss, as well as anything else in life, you have to want it.  Your heart has to be there.  And if it's not, it doesn't matter what you try, how many diets you go on, blah, blah, blah, etc.  If you don't want it bad enough it isn't going to happen.  A classic case of garbage in, garbage out.  If you've tried everything under the sun to lose weight and it doesn't work for you, eventually you will go into every other diet knowing you're just going to gain the weight back.  So why bother.  Two things my mom has always told me, "can't never could do anything" and "a failure is only someone who fails to try".  *also eventually going to be inked around my ankle* 

4. What’s your all-time favorite song?
If Everyone Cared, by Nickelback.  It just makes sense.  Check it out if you've never heard it.  I also really like Single Ladies, by Beyonce. 



5. Whose blog or comment spoke to you/stuck with you this week and why? This is our “you get to be famous for a moment” without having to follow all the rules of an official blog award question.
Mary's.  About everyone asking her why she doesn't have kids/telling her that she should have kids/everyone wants her to have kids/apologizing that she doesn't have kids.  You get the idea.  Good for you for knowing what you want right now and keeping a level head about it.  Usually when someone asks me that I just tell them when I'm damn good and ready and let them know that they'll be notified when/if the event happens.  Then I tell them that I'm getting in plenty of practice.  Because as well know, practice makes perfect.  ;)  That usually shuts them up in a hurry.  lol

Getting on to the life update.......I went to the doctor yesterday and I have decided to go forward with the back surgery.  There were a couple of other options that I could do, but I've done them already and the doc said they were just a means to an end.  Meaning I would end up on surgery eventually anyway. 

This is like yo yo dieting to me.  Why keep doing something that you know isn't working and you're going to end up right where you started or worse off than you are now.  I wanted a permanent fix. 

I actually saw the doc twice yesterday.  I had left his office the first time deciding to try physical therapy again.  Then mom and I went to lunch and I told her that it just didn't feel right because I know it wasn't going to work.  I literally felt like I had been given a 2 ton trunk to lug around till I decided I was fed up being in pain.  She told me to go back and tell the doc that I didn't want that.  So I did. 

After lunch I went and told him that when I walked out of there I knew I was making the wrong choice.  I wanted the surgery.  I want it over and done with.  So I'm having the surgery sometime in July.  Right now that's all I know.  When I get a date I'll be sure to let you all know.

Happy posting my friends.

Not the Fat Girl...

Beware, deep post ahead.  Don't worry though, I'll post some funny stuff at the end.  OK, so I think I had a moment yesterday.  Maybe it's all the great pain medication cuz of my back.  Wheeeee!!!!!!  ;}  Anyway, in all seriousness I really think I had a moment; a couple of them actually.

One is I got busted in an "I want a baby" moment yesterday.  My nephew (The Joe) is just a little guy, just a little over a year old.  I was sitting on the couch by the window and he wanted to look out the window.  So there we were, The Joe standing on my lap looking out the window and leaned his head on my shoulder, so I leaned into him a little and he sighed.  Wow, melted my heart I tell you what.  Well, hubby caught me.  When The Joe wanted down I put down and he waddled away all the while, I'm grinning like an idiot.  Then hubby said, "You're busted, see you want one."  So yeah, I think I want a baby.  *pause to give my mom a minute to stop screaming/crying with joy.  ok mom, are ya done.  :D*  Course right now there are a lot of things standing in my way.  I have to wait till December at least (my bariatric surgeon says 18 months), and I'm pretty sure I'm staring down a double barreled assault rifle of back surgery. 

Hubby and I were talking about the baby situation when we got home yesterday afternoon and I told him one of the reasons I wasn't sure was because I'm afraid of gaining weight back.  Which is vain and totally unlike me.  But I'm finally not the fat girl anymore.  Over the years I got used to being the fattest person in the room.  Not happy, but accustomed to it.  Before being banded I had given up.  I had resigned to the fact that I was destined to be fat.  Even after several doctors told me that I was too heavy to carry out a safe pregnancy.  Which at that time came as a shock cuz right then all I wanted was a baby.  I was devastated.  Then I committed to lose weight (pre band) so I could have a baby.  It didn't work.  On a strict diet I lost a few pounds in a few months, it didn't come off fast enough, so I gave up.

Then my back got screwed up and the doc said he would have to fix it before I had a baby or he was going to put me on bed rest for the duration of the pregnancy.  Well, shit.  Now what?

Fast forward 3 years.  I'm also staring down the double barreled assault rifle of the big 3-0.  I know why it's said the first 7 years of marriage are the hardest.  In the just under 4 years hubby and I have been married we've went through hell and back.  We were married in July of 2006, in November of 2006 is when I started having issues with my back.  Bring on the doctors (first, second and third opinion), bring on the mri's, bring on the pain medications just so I can sleep through the night, bring on the medical bills that are forcing us into bankruptcy. 

In the last three years I've had two surgeries in order to keep from having back surgery.  First in September of 2007 I had a breast reduction.  My back is actually screwed up so bad because I had such large breasts.  The doctor took 7 POUNDS off each side.  And I'm still in a C, that's how much I had.  I had to have all of my bras made from the time I was about 14.  I actually have a reall small ribcage, which makes my band size about a 32.  Ever try to find a 32T off the rack?  Let me tell you ladies, it's not there. 

Then I got banded in June of last year.  I'm 50 pounds down and I thought I was out of the woods, thought I was going to make it.  I was wrong.  Holy shit was I ever wrong.  Why do the good things always come with bad things following right behind it?  Yay, finally decided that I might want to have a baby.  BAM fell down and might have to have back surgery.  It's like eating something great that cost a buttload of money and getting stuck on the first bite and having to throw the rest of your meal away.  What the hell!

It's really weird to look around and see that you're not the fat girl anymore.  You're not the biggest one in the group/room/whatever.  Insert appropriate situation here.  Being fat is such a stigma.  Like Kelly Osbourne (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE HER by the way) said, she was ridiculed more for being fat than she was as a drug addict.  This doesn't make sense, but I believe her.  There are so many terrible things associated with being fat.  Health risks not withstanding.  Great image for a little girl don't you think, you can be a drug addict, but oh no, don't get fat what a bunch of crap.  Again, what the hell!

As fat people we have to have special clothes, special shoes, special chairs, special treatment on airplanes.....blah, blah, blah, etc.  For a lot of us (WLS surgery patients) just being able to buy regular clothes is huge.  HUGE!  To go somewhere and buy a regular pair of jeans that doesn't have a W after the size gives us a high that almost rivals the high we get from food.  There are few things better than that. 

While I was at the birthday party yesterday it was amazing to look around and see that I was no longer the fattest, most unhealthy person there.  I'm not saying this to be mean to the other people in my family.  I actually have a pretty great relationship with most of the people on hubby's side of the family.  I don't remember who it was, but someone earlier this week posted about walking into a meeting and being really surprised that she wasn't the fattest one there anymore. 

This is a big thing.  When you finally realize that you're getting healthy, putting yourself on your to do list.  Deep stuff. 

Do I still remain fixed on the number on the scale?  Yeah, I'm still a daily weigher.  I know that right now it's going to stay steady or heaven forbid go up.  With this new thing with my back I can't exercise at all.  Let me just say now, I'm prepared for this and owning my choices.  Owning it is a big part of this process, however, that's a blog for another day.  So I know this is going to put a damper on things for a while. 

But, the point of my post.  It's really weird to realize that I'm not the fat girl.  I still have a lot of weight to lose, about 70 pounds.  But for some reason I get off on the thought that I'm no longer the fat girl.  I'm not the awkward fat girl with the short hair sitting in the corner.  For years I've felt like Carrie (from Steven King's novel).  Really I have.  It's really a great thing that I didn't notice this when I was heavier, I would have been even more depressed than I was.  Good gawd. 

Well, I guess that's about enough of that.  Is it odd to move yourself to tears when you realize something?  Whew, anyway.  On to the funny stuff.  Here are some pics from the pirate party yesterday.

He's been looking for an excuse to wear this stupid hat since he bought it.  lol

What's a pirate without a decent hat?

This is my best pirate wench impression.  And yes, the telescope up the eye with the patch is intentional.  YAR MATEY!

Surrender the Booty.  :D

This is Logan with one of his presents.  The bag weighed a ton, as if you couldn't tell.

The Joe.

Hubby playing with the beagle.  The laptop is mine, and I'm catching up on blogs.  :)

Proof that my dog thinks she's a person.  Isn't she cute?

Well, that's all for now.  Happy posting everyone.

Added a couple of hours later........the following pictures are why I married my hubby.  THE MAN CAN COOK!  he wanted me to take a pic of the meat close up in order to show the pink smoke ring.  He's very proud.

GOOD GAWD I LOVE THIS MAN!!  Not exactly bandster friendly, but sooooo gooood.  At least I'm not thinking about my back.