NEED A FILL!!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!

Please excuse my language and I don't mean to offend anyone. But, DAMN!!! When I had the flu I had to have some fluid taken out of my band. Which was great at the time, cuz I'm almost positive I would still be unable to hold food down had I not done that. I had .5cc's taken out and when I got my fill again at my doctors office they gave me .25cc's. They wanted to put all of it back in and I told them no. What the hell was I thinking? I didn't know if it was the flu, the fact that my band was too tight, the swelling from throw up, or a combination of alll three. I told them to put .25cc's back in and if I needed the other put back in I would wait untill next month and have them do it then.

Well, now I'm kicking myself because I know I really needed that other .25cc's. I'm eating every freakin thing in sight. I'm so pissed off right now. And to make matters worse, my hubby is being a great big ass about it.

Disclaimer: my husband is not a great giant jerk off, he just comes off as one sometimes. He doesn't mince words (neither do I) and his empathy chip is missing. Unless he's been EXACTLY. WHERE. YOU. ARE, he doesn't get it. I knew this when I married him so therefore, I just take my medicine and know that's the way he is. Most of the time it's not that bad. Just when I'm overly sensitive to the things going on in my life and he doesn't get it, he pops off with stuff that makes me want to kill him. Also, he's not a bariatric patient.

With that being said. Tonight we had steak for dinner. My steak was 8oz. I ate the whole damn thing!!! WTF?!?! Then he got mad at me. Tellling me that I'm messing up my band. That this isn't going to "change my life".

I'm so ready to cry right now. DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!!

Here's my options.......I could go back to my surgeons office (3 hours away) and spend the gas and pay a 45.00 co pay; I could wait till I'm scheduled to get a fill on April 28th (pretty much not an option at this point. if I keep eating like this I'll be two ton freakin Tessie by that time), or I can go to the bariatric surgery center here (where I got my unfill when I was sick) and pay the 150.00 for the fill.

I know that I'll have to call my office and find out if I can do that, which I'm sure I can. This is pure hell. I never really experienced bandster hell. Thank Christ, if this is what it's like I'm glad I didn't have it. I was always at pretty good restriction except for when it was TTOTM. However, since I was losing at a steady pace the doc kept giving me fills. I wasn't going to argue. Then I got the flu and the monkeywrench got thrown into the works. BIG TIME!

I think if I either go to my doc, or I go to the doc here, I'd end up paying about the same amount of money either way. By the time I pay for the gas up and back for the three hour, one way, drive. So I think I'm just going to bite the bullet and get the fill here in town. We're caught up on bills right now so I this won't hurt us. It won't put us ahead, but I can't afford to gain weight back. Flat out can't afford it. So not an option. Then just tell my hubby that the doc said I had to go and get a fill or else it would screw up the band, so I did. Like I said, I'll end up paying the same amount of money either way.

Well, I'll keep you all updated on what happens and let you know if I get a fill tomorrow. I'll be out running some errands so I think I'm just going to do it and be done with it. I can't go on like this. Just can't.

Well, I guess I'll put on my cone of shame and go to bed now. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day. *hangs head in cone of shame*




PS~If you don't get the cone of shame reference, rent UP. Great movie, highly recommend it.